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Miley Cyrus: Meltdown Watch

13 Aug

It was pretty clear something would go awry with Miley Cryrus after that Vanity Fair June 2008 photo shoot. You know, the one where she was placed inside of her father’s crotch?  Yeah, that one. But, she seemed to be growing up surprisingly well for a child star. She finished off Hannah Montana normally, even making a 2009 movie and appearing in several other Disney projects. She lent her voice to 2008’s Bolt and transitioned into a post-Hannah life with the safe chick-flick The Last Song (2010).
So far, so good. Even that video of Cyrus on “salvia” was quickly forgotten along with her November “stoner” admission. It was just silly Miley being a rebellious teen!

I hope this is the picture over the Cyrus Family fireplace

Then, this summer happened. First she announced her engagement to Aussie cutie Liam Hemsworth. Even though the two are planning “a long engagement” that’s a lot of commitment for a 19-year-old. I would know, being 19 and all. Then she stopped generally wearing pants and bleached her hair. How, “not a girl, not yet a woman of her.”

Is Liam upset she’s wearing his suit jacket as a complete outfit?

Obviously, the pants forgetting and blonde hair dying wouldn’t be the end of Cyrus’s summer. This weekend, she chopped off all her hair, unfortunately reminding me of a more sane Britney circa 2008 (even though she’s quite excited about the new haircut, congrats MyCy). If she gets an umbrella in hand, everyone watch out. But, luckily Cyrus is going to work! She’s successfully booked a show. Out of every series that would love to have her on for a ratings-bump, she’s decided on Charlie Sheen’s leftovers: Two And a Half Men. She’ll play half-man August T. Jones’ love interest this season and appear on multiple episodes.

As long as she doesn’t agree to actually working with Sheen, there’s some hope! Welcome to Miley Cyrus’ Quarter-Life Crisis. I’m willing to bet it’ll be a bumpy ride.

No. Words….

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Alert: Carly Rae Jepsen Hasn’t Given Anyone Her Number

14 Jul

This is a hard one for me to write. I have four different “Call Me, Maybe” songs on my iTunes (two remixes, one cover and the Holy Original) and cry every time someone skips it on the radio. But, according to an AP interview, the song about number giving never actually happened. I feel like my whole life is a lie now. Or at least the last few months.

Nope.

When AP asked Carly Rae Jepsen if she’s ever given a guy her number, her answer was:

“I’ve done brave things for love before or for the possibility of the idea of love, but I’ve never quite done that and I’m pretty sure now that I never can because that would be really, really awkward.”

This was the last quote in the AP article- there were no follow-ups. Journalist Alicia Rancilio should’ve at least asked Jepsen how she came up with the song. Was it someone else’s experience? Did she just think it sounded catchy? Was there ever a hot night? Was the wind blowing? Did anyone have skin showin’? What does this all mean?!

And more importantly: will she write other disturbingly catchy songs about these real life brave actions? The people need to know.

I can never listen to “Call Me, Maybe” again- everything has just changed too much. LOL guys, I’m joking. It’s still totally the best song ever written.

A Year Later… And Some Change

30 May

It’s been a year and three days since I started this blog, including obvious periods where I totally neglected it and tried to do school work napped instead. I just really, really love naps, guys. This is probably more for me than anyone else, which is why I’m not going to be a jerk and “Publicize” it on social media.

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If you talk to me in real life, you know that it boggles my mind how desperately I wanted to be a fashion writer for at least seven years of my life. All that time subscribing to Nylon and W; stalking their mastheads and reading everything I could about fashion closet internships. I was so obsessed. In high school I really did love fashion the best a 17-year-old bridge-and-tunneler could. I wore heels to school every day of my senior year and could pick out an Alexander McQueen Spring 2010 dress in a magazine. One of the bagillion reasons I was obsessed with Syracuse was its Fashion and Beauty Communications Milestone– we even have our own student-run fashion magazine. It was a dream come true.

Platinum hair, 1-foot long mesh bow headband, Urban Outfitters tank top and caged 5-inch heels. The camera in hand makes me even cooler

Then I got there. I loved my magazine major and thought I still loved fashion. Except I didn’t… I think I was in love with the idea of being a fashion writer. But, I couldn’t care less about all the CFDA and HuffPost Style on my Twitter feed. I ignored all of that to get to the fun stuff, like Movieline. And TVline. And Entertainment Weekly.

That was probably a really dumb way to figure out what I’m actually passionate about, but it’s how everything clicked. And for some reason I hadn’t realized that entertainment journalism was just as legitimate as fashion journalism until then. Plus it’s without all that terrible fashion closet grunt work and paranoia about how cool your outfit is (no more of that madness up there). You actually get to write! You see TV pilots early and go to movie premieres. There are tons of other “perks” to being an entertainment writer, but  I’m the only one who would describe them as “awesome.” Unfortunately (or fortunately, I can’t decide) there’s not a lot of pop culture mythology on entertainment writers. There’s no such things as The Devil Goes To Upfronts, so who would think of it as an obvious career path?

A year later, a lot has changed. When I wanted to be a fashion writer I did basically nothing. Probably because I had no idea what the hell to write about… Now I write everyday or at least should. My brain is filled with a terrifying amount of entertainment knowledge. It kind of scares me, how many pilots I could tell you about right now. I once had a dream about how silly it is that two movies named “Lawless” are coming out within a year of each other (one with Shia Labeouf, the other with RyGos). The Oscars weren’t even fun this year! I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining… or bragging. It’s just weird how much things can change in a year. And how interested neurotically obsessed I am with something I didn’t even think of for almost 19 years.

The idea of writing this post next year weirds me out even more. Hopefully, I’ll be fresh from a semester abroad in London. Maybe, I’ll actually make it to 100 posts on here too. And, I can’t start worrying about next year’s internship yet. I’ve barely hit three weeks at College Candy this year.

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I should’ve written this three days ago. But, I was probably too busy watching Deadwood. Seriously, what 19-year-old sorority girl spends her day watching Deadwood? The kind that was legitimately obsessed with Vulture’s “Greatest TV Drama of the Past 25 Years” bracket, that’s who.

And if you read all of that for some reason, I salute you.

No Dress, No Problem

16 May

For the longest time, I wanted to be a fashion writer. Then I came to my senses after like seven years of delusions or something. Since then, I haven’t really written about anything fashion-y. Until right now. Except, I don’t think this can be considered fashion. It’s more like dominatrix-DIY. I don’t know, just look.

Who made this?!?!?!? WHO. MADE. THIS.

That’s Micaela Schafer, she’s an “actress” and “model.” You probably didn’t notice (with all the side-boob, thong, weird material action going on) but Schafer wore this “dress” to the Men In Black III premiere (which is why I get to talk about it). You know who likes MIB3? My entire generation Kids. Kids, like these movies. Kids, who probably shouldn’t be seein’ all a that.
I really appreciate that she remembered her watch, though. She may have forgotten her dress. But at least she remembered her watch. If you would like to tell me what this is actually made of, I would love that.

For even more photos of Schafer’s “dress” check out Huffington Post Style.

Bristol’s Back To TV

29 Feb

I don’t know what it is about today (it’s a leap year?!) but there’s more news featuring women that shouldn’t have children. At all. Unfortunately, Bristol Palin is about to get her own television show. The best part is obviously the ridiculous name Lifetime is giving the docu-drama. Wait for it… Wait for it…

This is going to be riveting.

Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp. No, I’m not joking. The Palin family infiltrating American entertainment again is no laughing matter.

“This show will reveal the real Bristol Palin and her journey as a daughter, a mother and a young woman making her way in the world,” said Lifetime’s Executive VP Programming Rob Sharenow.

The show will focus on Bristol as she “adjusts to her life in Alaska” and “steadfastly [moves] forward both personally and professionally.” Other than going on various television shows what exactly does B. Palin do professionally? And more importantly, what is the target demographic for Life’s A Tripp? Who on Earth is going to tune in every week for this? Oh the questions!

Armageddon 2012 Is On Track: Snooki May Be Pregnant

29 Feb

While sitting in Biological Athropology, one of the lovely Baby Squirrels whispered “Snooki’s pregnant.” I considered running out of the 150 person lecture hall screaming and checking this out for my self. But the tarsier staring at me from the projector paralyzed me with fear (seriously, look that thing up).

“That obviously couldn’t be true!” I rationalized to myself (while averting my eyes from the tarsier). “If there’s even a possibility of God’s existence, He wouldn’t let Nicole Polizzi bring a child into this world! It would probably have suffered alcohol poisoning by now!”

When I look at this, you know what I think? “That chick needs a baby.”

Unfortunately, my pleas were for naught. Snooki… is probably pregnant. I never thought I would write those words… in that order… ever.  The report is on New York Post’s Page Six , and that’s how you know it’s true.

The cooka flashing star has yet to officially announce her pregnancy, but “sources” say she’s three months preggers. Sources, that’s always a good sign. If she actually is, this will probably infringe on her new branding. Snooks just started showing off her rockin’ beach bod and is kicking off a show with Jenny JWoww Farley. Im pretty darn sure her and Jenny weren’t planning on dedicating a episode to actual crib shopping… awkward.

Well that whole weight loss thing was pretty pointless now…

But really though,  if Snooki’s about to give birth what’s next… LiLo is expecting twins? Maybe that’s why she’s  hosting SNL…

Occupy Port Taranaki: Starring Xena Warrior Princess

27 Feb

I’ve successfully fallen off the face of the Earth. At least blogging wise. I’m pretty sure I do this at the start of every semester…
But, I digress. Last night, the Academy Awards were held. You know, I know, even Angelina Jolie’s right leg and JLo’s left nipple knows. It was a pretty big deal. Everyone won who was supposed to win, including Meryl Streep (sorry, Viola Davis, better luck next time).

But like it has its own Twitter handle, though…

No matter how much I’d like to dedicate this blog to Angie’s dress/leg/existence we’ve got more pressing matters to talk about. Like when Xena Warrior Princess got arrested on an oil rig. Hopefully Gabrielle was right there with her (yes I watched the show as a kid. Along with Hercules featuring Kevin Sorbo, blame my dad.)

Lucy Lawless is apparently as much of a badass in real life as she pretends to be on TV. Except she likes to fight Big Oil, not Ares, God of War. Starting Friday, Lawless and a group of Green Peace activists boarded a Shell drillship in protest of the ship’s planned journey. The vessel was set for the Alaskan coast to drill three exploratory oil wells according to the New Zealand Herald… until the whole protesters camping out on the ship problem.

#NoFear

The activists foiled Shell’s plan for the weekend, camping out on the 53 meter drill tower for 77 hours. But all cool-weird celebrity activism antics must come to an end, ask Hayden Panettiere. Police scaled the tower, arresting the six remaining protesters and charging them with burglary.

“Seven of us climbed up that drillship to stop Arctic drilling, but 133,000 of us came down,” said Lawless. 133,00 Green Peace activists sent Shell executives an e-mail asking them to cancel the Alaskan voyage.

Am I the only one hoping for a movie deal?