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“The Hunger Games” Finds its Finnick

22 Aug

I”ll be up-front with you: I’ve never read The Hunger Games. And even I was excited to see which mid-twenties hottie would play Finnick Odair in 2013’s The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. The new character is described as a “mid-twenties hottie with charm for days” so really, what’s not to be excited for?
Today, the winning hottie was finally announced and up-and-comer Sam Claflin is set to be the trident-wielding ex-tribute/current Capitol celebrity.

I will not make any dirty trident jokes. I will not make any dirty trident jokes.

“Aw man all this gazing into the camera really makes my head hurt”

Claflin should look sorta-maybe-kinda-familiar. No, he’s not the guy the played the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network. He is on the other hand, the missionary that fell in love with a mermaid in Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides. Oh yeah, that guy! He also was the Prince Charming to Chris Hemsworth’s Huntsman in Snow White and the Huntsman. By next year everyone will definetely remember who he is thanks to a very well placed fishing net.

The soon-to-be-superstar has been the Finnick front-runner for a little over a month. But, that doesn’t mean he was the only name thrown out there this summer. Robert Pattinson (from that other billion dollar teen-trilogy), Taylor Kitsch (whose 2012 movies accidentally tanked like John Carter and Battleship), Garrett Hedlund  (Tron: Legacy) and Armie Hammer (the actual guy that played the Winklevoss twins) were all said to be frontrunners at some point. Luckily for Claflin he wasn’t a red herring.

So guys ladies, I’m just wondering how the camera can handle Liam Hemsworth and Claflin in the same movie. But then again if the screen didn’t burst into flames during Magic Mike, no one else should have a problem.

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Bill and Ted Might Be Ready For Another Adventure

11 Aug

Dudeeee, Bill and Ted may totallyyy be going on another adventure. Excellenttttt. The minds behind the latest venture? The original creators of Bill and Ted, Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson. The old team has written a script according to a Vulture exclusive. Sweet. Somehow, Alex Winter (Bill) and Keanu Reeves (Ted) are attached to the project. I’m glad that Reeves can pause his The One activities to have a little fun.

But what would that makes the third one?

The best part of the in-progress project is that it’s a continuation of Bill and Ted’s  truly excellenttt adventures. It’s not a reboot with Justin Bieber and Alex Pettyfer. Who isn’t excited to see what kind of men Bill and Ted grew up into? Just how huge is Wyld Stallyns in the future (or our present)? I just hope they don’t have a cheesy reality dating show- all they’ll ever need is their bromance.

20 years later- still bros.

Currently, Dean Parisot (Fun With Dick and Jane, Galaxy Quest) is set to direct. But, that means B&T 3 will have to stay on the back-burner for a while (heinousssss!). Parisot is filming Red 2 this upcoming spring, an “action-comedy-thriller” starring Bruce Willis, Mary-Louise Parker and Catherine Zeta Jones.

We’ve waited over twenty years for a followup to Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, what’s a few more months? Start placing bets now on whether it’ll be a “Quest” “Voyage” or “Escapade.”

Lady Gaga Is Quite The Chameleon

29 Jul

The sequel for Robert Rodriguez’s 2010 shoot-’em-up Machete, the ingeniously named Machete Kills, is famous for its crazy casting. No other film can boast having Mel Gibson, Cuba Gooding Jr., Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, and Spy Kid Alexa Vega on one call sheet. Plus, Charlie Sheen is the president in Machete Land. No joke.

I hope Sheen and Gibson sport equally sexy costumes.

Well, there’s one more name to add to the Machete madness: Lady Gaga. Mother Monster has chosen Rodriguez’s latest film to make her acting debut. Nope, definetely didn’t see that one coming. In Kills she will play La Chameleon, a vampy fox/wolf (?) wearing smoking gun according to a recently released poster (featured below). Weirdly enough Gooding Jr. is listed as “El Chameleon” on IMDb. Are they a team? Or did Rodriguez just drop Gooding’s El for Gaga’s La? Here’s to hoping they’re a kickass biracial couple.

In case you were wondering what this movie could actually be about, the US government sends Danny Trejo’s Machete into Mexico to stop an arms dealer from launching a weapon into space. If anyone can see where Lady Gaga falls into that, please let me know.

I see what you’re doing there… No wait. I don’t. At all.

Rodriguez’s casting choice is clearly just an attempt to help us feel comfortable with Lady Gaga The Actress. Everyone knows that Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are BFF’s. And everyone knows that Kill Bill Vol. 3 is somewhere in the works (but it’s QT, “in the works” could take 10 years). So, no one should be surprised when Gaga is cast as a very grown up B.B.- it’s bound to happen.

Michael Fassbender’s Going Back To The Future (And Bringing Some Swords)

9 Jul

If you didn’t know this, I love Michael Fassbender. Like a lot. He’s Irish and laughs like a shark and perfect. Also, The Fass may just be the busiest man in Hollywood, he’s like Jessica Chastain but with a famous penis. Currently, he has three movies in progress: the X-Men prequel sequel, a re-teaming with Shame director Steve McQueen, and a Ridley Scott-Brad Pitt-Penelope Cruz thriller. How does he even fit in time for dick jokes?

Sharks take this picture to the dentist.

Well, the Oscar-snubbie (I’m literally never getting over the Academy ignoring Shame) is helming the Assassin’s Creed super blockbuster of the future. AC is a wildly popular video game for everyone that wasn’t sure (like me), with its third installation out in October. The film will star Fassy as a bartender named Desmond Miles (which is appropriately sexy enough for him) who comes from a long line of assassins including those of the Crusades and the Renaissance. Miles can see their crazy blood spurting adventures with some fancypants technology, weaving together past and present. I’m going to assume there’s some classic hero’s journey thrown in there for good measure.

I’m going to die if he has to wear this. Maybe it’s why he decided to produce too.

 

He has so much [training] to look forward to

AC’s creator Ubisoft is behind the slaughterfest and Fassbender is even producing it. Now, they only have to find a writer, director, distributor… and the Fass also has a pretty full plate right now. Sounds like they’ll be shooting in no time.

Surprise! There’s a New Superhero Movie

23 Jun

Today is my day off from the four other places I’m writing at this summer. Yes, I said four. I’ve considered chopping my hands off just to force myself to stop writing all together. But, I haven’t picked up the cleaver yet. Instead, I’ll just blog about superhero movies since there’s apparently an unlimited list of them. I predict a year of only superhero movies sometime in the future. Nothing else. I wonder when the Academy will recognize them as a category, it’s only a matter of time.

“And the Oscar goes to: Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark in Iron Man: M3tal 7engeance”

A day or two passed without a new superhero property press release (mon dieu!) and one clearly had to be made. A Vulture exclusive  announced that professional Will Smith fan Barry Sonnenfeld (director of the Men In Black trilogy and Wild Wild West) is adapting DC comic The Metal Men. You’ve never heard of it either? Cool, I’m not alone. Metal Men hasn’t been around since the 1960s so that would probably explain it.

Oh those poor costume designers

The Metal Men were created by genius scientist Doc Magnus as cyborgs with the personalities of their namesake elements. There’s five actual cyborg-men in the Metal Men including Gold, the leader of the group, Iron, the strong silent type, Lead, the slow one, Mercury, the hothead who probably shouldn’t have any social contact and Tin with his low self esteem. Platinum is the girl of the Metal Men, so it should probably be renamed the Metal Group or the Metal People… but those sound more like musical ensembles. Tina as she’s called is fiery and incorrectly thinks she’s a Real Girl. Plus she’s obviously in love with her creator because even robots can have an Electra Complex.

Since this is a DC adaptation, who knows when it’ll get made? 2035? The Justice League movie has had more set backs than Lindsay Lohan’s attempt at a stable career (c’mon LiLo, we’re rooting for ya) and that’s something people are actually looking forward to. Sonnenfeld also has six movies in production according to IMDb, one of which sounds like a true winner: Dominion: Dinosaurs vs. Aliens. So, don’t expect to see Will Smith as Gold next summer. Unless, he decides to dip himself and his family in gold to prove that they are in fact the most superior family in America.

Jada’s already started the transformation

Django’s Teaser Trailer Unchained

7 Jun

As I’ve said on here before, Fight Club is my favorite movie. But, David Fincher is definitely not my favorite director.  That honor goes to Quentin Tarantino, of Pulp Fiction and Inglorious Basterds fame. I have the Quentin Tarantino and Philosophy book and everything. That man is a genius.

Yes, this is actually a book.

It often feels like Tarantino is chasing his master piece. He clearly thought it was going to be Basterds. The last lines literally spelled it out for us: “I think this might just be my master piece,” drawled by Brad Pitt. Well, QT is taking another shot with Django “The D Is Silent” Unchained.
While the lucky basterds at Cannes saw seven minutes of clips more than two weeks ago, us plebeians had to wait for the teaser trailer that came out yesterday. And was it worth the wait. Take a couple of minutes to enjoy the shotgun fest that is Django Unchained.

That’s the only movie that could get me in a movie theater on Christmas. I mean, how awesome does that look? It’ll be competeing with fellow Christmas baby, The Great Gatsby, but we all know those are two very different demographics (and will create lots of date arguments).

Trailers always leave you with way too many questions and confused observations. Django was no different for me.

  • How many mainstream white directors aren’t actually terrified to touch a slavery story? Let alone write one too?
  • Where has Christoph Waltz been all QT’s life?
  • Who styled Django’s ‘fro? It’s so well coiffed.
  • Was this filmed on the set of Deadwood?!
  •  Wait a freakin’ minute. Leo is staring in to two early Oscar contenders… that are coming out on the same day. You smart basterd.
  • Jamie Foxx you’re surprisingly better than I imagined. I miss Will Smith (first cast as Django) a lot less than I thought I would.
  • Where did that random lake/pond/creek scene come from?
  • Leo, you look like you’re enjoying yourself for once! How exciting!
  • No shotguns were harmed in the shooting of this film.
  • Was that Colonel Sanders? No, but really, was that Col. Sanders?
  • Who actually got Django/Jammie Foxx in a dandy outfit? He looks like E.B on Deadwood.
  • “I like the way you die, boy,” will be on dorm posters everywhere by 2013.

Finish opening those presents early to catch Django Unchained, out this Christmas. Or don’t and do something normal like spending time with your family this holiday season. Totally up to you.

Fifty Shades Of What Is Going On In America?

1 May

As per usual, I somehow forgot to blog for just about forever. But hopefully you read my sparkling pop culture column in The Daily Orange instead. Now, what on Earth could bring me back? The fact that I have time again. The week I have until I go home. Christian Grey.
Now if you haven’t checked the New York Times Best Seller List recently (because who reads anymore) you probably don’t know who Christian Grey is. I definitely didn’t until Fifty Shades of Grey became one of the hottest properties in Hollywood this March.

His loose tie says he’s formal… but read to party.

Grey, has been called a lot of things. One of them is “mommy porn.” There are some words I wish I never had to put together, those are two of them. The e-book sensation follows 22ish-year-old-virgin Anastasia Steele who starts an S&M relationship with sexy ginger billionaire Christian Grey (note: more words that shouldn’t go together). There’s a fancy contract in there too with lots of honorifics thrown in. Did I mention it started as Twilight fan fiction? I don’t really know what’s going on in the world.

But, lately every actor worth his devilish grin is throwing his hat in the bondage ring.

Now you have to ask yourself: who screams S&M loving billionaire more?

Last week, Ian Somerhalder said he would “absolutely would be up for” the part of Mr. Christian Grey. He already has had practice as a sexy member of a weird vampire inspired love triangle as Damon in The Vampire Diaries, so that’s a plus. Although, Alexander Skarsgard might give Somerhalder a run for his money. The True Blood vet grinningly said he was “born to play the part,” in an Access Hollywood interview. Skarsgard is also a sexy member of a weird vampire inspired love triangle, this time as vampire Eric on TB. Eric, unlike Damon, already has a kinky dungeon in the basement of his bar, so ten points to TB.

Obviously, Michael Fassbender’s name is being tossed around. But his is on the top of just about every casting sheet, so it doesn’t really count. Hopefully he’ll be too busy trying actually get nominated for an Oscar to play Fake Edward Cullen.

With so many options for Grey, I can’t wait to see whose steely gaze is truly Christian Grey worthy. And will their his hair be as tall as Edward Cullen’s?

Bring this directly to the Hair & Makeup Lady.