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Game of Thrones’ King Beyond The Wall Is Crowned

18 Aug

If you’re a Game of Thrones fan (and if you’re not, you should be), you’re probably dying. With only ten new episodes a year, HBO inflicts a very unique form of cruel and unusual punishment. Personally, any scrap of season 3 news thrills me to pieces (I’ve never used that phrase in my life). Like, this week the most buzzed about new character was finally cast: Mance Rayder, the King Beyond The Wall.  Irish actor Ciarán Hinds has been chosen to play the Wilding leader.

Because if there’s anything Game of Thrones needs, it’s another king and a new cast member.

Silly Wildling traditions…

But seriously, I’m so excited to see Mance next year. As opposed to last season, Jon Snow will actually do stuff instead of just pouting in the snow for ten hours. A lot of that is thanks to the Wildlings and especially Mance. As an ex-Night’s Watch member turned king, he’s everything Jon Snow could become. Mance’s goal is to break down The Wall and (semi spoiler alert) find the mythological Horn of Winter to do it. He’s smart, charismatic and the only guy that could unite all the Wildlings for a single cause.

Hinds is perfect for the role. He’s already played Julius Caesar (Rome, pictured aboveand a fictional former US President (Political Animals) -Westerosi savage king will be a piece of cake. Now, all we have to do is wait until March 31, 2013 when season 3 starts to see Mance and the fifteenish other new characters. Unless of course the world ends this December, wouldn’t that be unfortunate?

Ser Poutsalot hates it when Wildlings threaten the realms of men.

Miley Cyrus: Meltdown Watch

13 Aug

It was pretty clear something would go awry with Miley Cryrus after that Vanity Fair June 2008 photo shoot. You know, the one where she was placed inside of her father’s crotch?  Yeah, that one. But, she seemed to be growing up surprisingly well for a child star. She finished off Hannah Montana normally, even making a 2009 movie and appearing in several other Disney projects. She lent her voice to 2008’s Bolt and transitioned into a post-Hannah life with the safe chick-flick The Last Song (2010).
So far, so good. Even that video of Cyrus on “salvia” was quickly forgotten along with her November “stoner” admission. It was just silly Miley being a rebellious teen!

I hope this is the picture over the Cyrus Family fireplace

Then, this summer happened. First she announced her engagement to Aussie cutie Liam Hemsworth. Even though the two are planning “a long engagement” that’s a lot of commitment for a 19-year-old. I would know, being 19 and all. Then she stopped generally wearing pants and bleached her hair. How, “not a girl, not yet a woman of her.”

Is Liam upset she’s wearing his suit jacket as a complete outfit?

Obviously, the pants forgetting and blonde hair dying wouldn’t be the end of Cyrus’s summer. This weekend, she chopped off all her hair, unfortunately reminding me of a more sane Britney circa 2008 (even though she’s quite excited about the new haircut, congrats MyCy). If she gets an umbrella in hand, everyone watch out. But, luckily Cyrus is going to work! She’s successfully booked a show. Out of every series that would love to have her on for a ratings-bump, she’s decided on Charlie Sheen’s leftovers: Two And a Half Men. She’ll play half-man August T. Jones’ love interest this season and appear on multiple episodes.

As long as she doesn’t agree to actually working with Sheen, there’s some hope! Welcome to Miley Cyrus’ Quarter-Life Crisis. I’m willing to bet it’ll be a bumpy ride.

No. Words….

Michael Phelps: Golf Champ?

12 Aug

Watching #UglyHot super-human swimmer Michael Phelps hang up his Speedo for the last time is a pretty tough thing to do. America is just used to him being a total pro without even trying. “Oh yeah guys, I totally stopped training after Beijing. But I’m still going to win like 700 medals this year. Chill out.” And then he went and became the most decorated Olympian ever with 22 medals at the end of the London games.

“This’ll look awesome next to the 56 others!”

So what can a 27-year-old guy do post-retirement? Reality TV obviously. At least when you’re famous for being awesome, enjoying some mary jane every once in a while and being weirdly attractive, that’s definitely the best answer. So will Phelps have his own MTV special? An E! show with the Kardashian sisters? Is ESPN branching out? Nope, he’ll be on the family friendly Golf Channel.

Phelps is staring in The Haney Project, with ex-Tiger Woods coach Hank Haney. He’ll travel the world playing the best golf courses ever and perfecting yet another sport. By the time he’s 45 he’ll probably be an expert in at least 10.

It seems like Phelps agrees. He said in a Golf Channel statement, “as I enter this next chapter of my life, I think I will be able to shift my competitiveness to anything I put my mind to and golf is one of the things I want to focus on.” What’s next, extreme frisbee? Phelps would seriously love extreme frisbee, wouldn’t he?

The 22-time medalist should enjoy his time off right now, filming for Haney Project starts in September and will air in February 2013.

His crazy wingspan (armspan?) will make his swing unstoppable.

 

Supernatural Season 8: Wishful Thinking

4 Aug

I did this last year, and I thought it would be fun to try again. Although I’m clearly obsessed with Game of Thrones, I love it like a shinny new toy. Supernatural on the other hand is like a very old best friend. I’ve grown up with it. I know almost everything about it.
It know it sounds #corny, but  if it wasn’t for Supernatural I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now. All the entertainment reading, spoiler finding and IMDb prowess I have came from watching Supernatural. It was the first show that was my favorite. It wasn’t on some kids channel. It wasn’t something my parents watched. I had found it all by myself (from a bus ad while going to school). The 2005 show was my 13-year-old self’s way of starting to make her own identity: I wouldn’t even let my parents watch it because I wanted it all to myself (and they still don’t). Middle schoolers have really weird ideas if you didn’t know.

Yes, this is what 8th grade Ariana saw. Yes, this is what she fell in love with.

It’s crazy to me that I’m starting my junior year of college, and Supernatural is still on my television. After the Winchester brothers have been literally to hell-and-back (and now one of them is in Purgatory), it’s hard to see where else they can go. The eighth season is Raiders of the Lost Ark themed” according to basically everyone involved with the show. Last year’s Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid theme shone through in some places better than others (a lot less of the law, a lot more douche-y leviathans) so lets hope this one works out a little bit better.

So with all the spoilers and interviews floating around, what am I looking forward to?

A well developed female character 
The last time a recurring actress was on Supernatural, Sam (Jared Padalecki) still had his soul in tact. Remember Lisa? She was kind of forced on us and just a metaphor for Dean’s (Jensen Ackles) idea of “happiness” and “the American Dream” but she was pretty cool for herself. This time Sam will have a love interest and hopefully he won’t accidentally kill her. Word to the wise: don’t have sex with Sam Winchester and expect survive. Ask  Jessica. Or Madison. Or Ruby. Oh wait you can’t. They’re all dead.
But seriously though, I’m excited for this new lady love Amelia. Their relationship will all/mostly be in flashbacks and she seems like a kindred spirit for the younger Winchester. Both are kind of damaged and the writers have to make her great- everyone knows how hard the fan-base is on the women in a Winchesters life.

Sam The Retired Hunter
Gigantor the Talking Moose has really hung up his gun and given up on the hunting life. He thinks that everyone he’s ever loved is dead, what else could he do? We saw Dean try this out in season 6 and how epically he failed at living The Normal Life. It’ll be interesting to see how Sam deals with his break from saving the world daily.
I hope it’s a lot better than the way Dean’s story was handled. Season 6’s premiere episode, “Exile On Main St,” is probably one of my least favorite episodes of the entire series, and the first 9 of the season are kind of a snooze. Hopefully the storyline is a lot closer to how 4 started out (which happens to be my favorite season) but without the demon blood addiction.

You can call them Samelia for short

Awesome purgatory stuff 
Dean’s the most badass hunter in the whole world, ever. He’s awesome. And then he got dropped off in Purgatory filled with every creature he’s ever killed and then like a million more. Of course he’s going to get out this, but the fun part is seeing how he does it. Or rather flashing back to it. I think Dean will come back a much stronger hunter and a more mature guy. It would be fabulous if he could keep his winning charm and wit, I can’t take a serious Dean.

A Semi-Normal Cas
Last seasons Cas (Misha Collins) was… different. It was nice having him around, but I’m over Cas-the Flower-Child. Really, who wants that guy around for another season or two? Nobdoy. I could go for a Season 5ish Castiel with a dash of last season. I also wouldn’t mind actually seeing him covered in bees, and I suspect Collins would be down to try that out.

Does he use “Battleship” to tell people he’s arguing with them?

Really strong storylines
I wanted it last year and only kind of got it. Episodes were pretty great on an individual basis but pretty disjointed when you consider them all together. This time around we have season 3-5 writer/producer Jeremy Carver back as the new captain of the ship/showrunner. He made Being Human, a legitimate show on Syfy (which is no easy task), and wrote classic episodes like “A Very Supernatural Christmas” and “Point of No Return.” Carver definitely has it in him to push Supernatural to its full potential and dig it out from the mountains of mythology it’s under. According to this Huffington Post interview, that one of his biggest goals. And thank God.

Bobby (Jim Beaver) coming back 
It’s bound to happen.

John (Jeffery Dean Morgan) coming back
Haha. Haha. That’s never going to happen for some reason. But it’s nice to dream isn’t it? Jeffery Dean Morgan says the Supernatural camp has never contacted him. The Supernatural camp says JDM is too busy. I say, awkward.

I mean I wouldn’t have a problem with a young John Winchester either…

Seriously though, is Crowley (Mark Sheppard) a demon?!
There’s a good chance that Sheppard is messing with everyone, but apparently there’s a theory that Crowley isn’t a demon. Surprise! His eyes have never flashed the traditional red of a crossroads demon. And he’s never seemed very… evil? He’s so mysterious.

Okay, I’m done being a fangirl. This ended up being surprisingly long. Now I just have to wait until October 3rd for the season to start…

You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream For TV Scream?

4 Jun

Sometimes, networks make logical decisions with the television shows they develop. Those networks are usually called ABC or CBS, but at least it’s something. And then, there are the moves that make negative sense. MTV just pulled one of those ninja moves on us. I don’t know why, but expect to see Scream: The Series in the near future.

At least costuming will be cheap.

I guess, reality-giant MTV is banking on the success of movie-to-TV semi-hit Teen Wolf. The “horror” show has survived off of viewers who went in to mock the hottie-filled Wolf only to get hooked on Colton HaynesScream 4 only made $40 million domestically and I’m pretty sure anything without fangs, fur, or a hunger for brains isn’t trendy yet. Although I’m pretty skeptical, I’m actually excited to watch Scream develop. I mean who thought this was ever going to happen? Like, ever?

The masterminds behind the original Scream films, Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven, have yet to have their roles in the project (if any) discussed. Craven isn’t currently up to anything, while Williamson is executive producer and “developer” to actual hit The Vampire Diaries. We do know that MTV producers Tony DiSanto and Liz Gately are on board. DiSanto and Gately have both worked on Paris Hilton’s My New BFFso I guess they are good at terrifying audiences. That’s promising.

I find this way scarier than a masked serial killer. Don’t you?

SNL Is Turning Into A Lonely Island

2 Jun

When Kristen Wiig decided to leave Saturday Night Live, that was hard enough. Her graduation sketch was mildly heart breaking and I had “Ruby Tuesday” stuck in my head for about  a week. But at least all of her fans had the chance to enjoy a cathartic good-bye (and I made a sweet gallery of her best characters at my internship #ObviousSelfPromotion).
But, there were two other comedians on that stage rumored to be leaving as well. Jason Sudeikis (who’s been at SNL since 2003) and one of my favorites, Andy Samberg (who joined the cast in 2005). Unfortunately, one of them has made his decision and it’s Samberg.  Yes, the creator of Digital Shorts like “I’m On A Boat” and “Jack Sparrow” is leaving SNL. Hopefully, The Lonely Island does come back for the occasional video.

“Sorry, guys…”

Yesterday, Samberg told the New York Times he had officially decided not to return.  The funny man described the move as “one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made,” but felt similarly to Wiig. ““She kept saying it just feels like it’s her time, I connect with that. Something about it just feels like it’s the moment.” Why do all the good ones have to go at the same time?!
Samberg has the Adam Sandler lead comedy Thats’s My Boy coming out this month, and two other movies completed. With so much time on his hands, I hope to see him in a lot more projects.
I’ll just thank my lucky stars that Bill Hader hasn’t decided to leave yet. Although, he should start doing more movies since he’s kind of the funniest person ever. Plus, he totally had the best line in Men In Black 3 as Andy Warhol.

“I can’t tell the men from the women, K.”

The ball is in your court now, Jason Sudeikis.

Network Updates: ABC Has Single Moms, Musicals, and A Full Schedules

13 May

This time around, I’m giving ABC its due. It’s a good thing I waited a little while, because the network has been pretty busy the last couple of days.

Renewals
I’m confused how ABC has as many shows as it does. But, it has a lot. And many of them were renewed. Basically, all of the comedies will keep America laughing into 2012-2013. Romero family favorite Modern Family was renewed along with the rest of ABC’s Wednesday night, including The Middle, Suburgatory, Happy Endings and Revenge. Tim Allen still gets to stay on television Last Man Standing too.

You know what they say about the family that plays in the mud together…

Reality fare The Bachelor (will it ever run out of steam?), Dancing With The Stars, Shark Tank, and Wife Swap will return as well. ABC hasn’t forgotten about its dramas either keeping Castle, Body of Proof, Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy around. Although Once Upon A Time doesn’t really fall into a category, every fairy tale character you’ve read about will be around in the fall too.

Please come back to “Once.” Please, calm back!

Newbies Scandal and Don’t Trust the B—– in Apt. 23 will also have next season to prove their worth.

Pickups
Despite the load of shows ABC renewed, the network has a bunch of new ones as well. Where will they put them all? Nuclear-missile thriller Last Resort is definitely the most macho of ABC’s pickups, everything else is for the ladies.

Reba McEntire returns to TV with musical comedy Malibu County. McEntire plays a single mom trying to restart her  singing career in the den of iniquity that is Malibu. Connie Britton joins in on the musical trend with Nashville. Britton plays a singer at her peak while fellow songstress Hayden Panettiere is on the rise. Comedy How To Live With Your Parents For The Rest Of Your Life is about a single mom (like County), who moves in with her eccentric parents. ABC’s last comedy doesn’t involve single moms, but is about family… Family Tools to be exact. In Tools, a man picks up the family repairs business while putting his dreams on hold.

“I’ll be seein’ya America.”

Two supernatural/fantasy series will join the ranks of renewed Once Upon A Time. The first is 666 Park Avenue, which follows a young couple unwittingly managing the apartment building from Hell. Actually. I wonder how many jokes will be made about New York City realty in Park (“so perfect you would sell your soul!”). Switching to New Jersey, Neighbors is the story of a human family living in gated community filled with aliens disguised as humans. Oh so that explains Real Housewives: New Jersey

ABC does have two solid dramas as well. One is Zero Hour, which centers on the editor of a skeptics magazine and finally finds himself in a real life conspiracy theory…. That must be awkward for him… The other drama is Red Widow. In Widow, a woman joins dafamlybizness to avenge her husband’s death (#MoreSingleMoms).

This is obviously the face of a scary crime boss

Cancelations
Although ABC doesn’t seem especially interested in having room in the schedule, they’ve had to cut somebody. I’ve unfortunately had to say good-bye to personal guilty pleasures: Pan Am and GCB. Tears all around. I’m none too upset about losing including the short-lived Missing or The River. Man Up, Charlie’s Angels and Work It have also officially been cancelled.

I’m going to miss you and your bright colors so darn much!