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“The Hunger Games” Finds its Finnick

22 Aug

I”ll be up-front with you: I’ve never read The Hunger Games. And even I was excited to see which mid-twenties hottie would play Finnick Odair in 2013’s The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. The new character is described as a “mid-twenties hottie with charm for days” so really, what’s not to be excited for?
Today, the winning hottie was finally announced and up-and-comer Sam Claflin is set to be the trident-wielding ex-tribute/current Capitol celebrity.

I will not make any dirty trident jokes. I will not make any dirty trident jokes.

“Aw man all this gazing into the camera really makes my head hurt”

Claflin should look sorta-maybe-kinda-familiar. No, he’s not the guy the played the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network. He is on the other hand, the missionary that fell in love with a mermaid in Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides. Oh yeah, that guy! He also was the Prince Charming to Chris Hemsworth’s Huntsman in Snow White and the Huntsman. By next year everyone will definetely remember who he is thanks to a very well placed fishing net.

The soon-to-be-superstar has been the Finnick front-runner for a little over a month. But, that doesn’t mean he was the only name thrown out there this summer. Robert Pattinson (from that other billion dollar teen-trilogy), Taylor Kitsch (whose 2012 movies accidentally tanked like John Carter and Battleship), Garrett Hedlund  (Tron: Legacy) and Armie Hammer (the actual guy that played the Winklevoss twins) were all said to be frontrunners at some point. Luckily for Claflin he wasn’t a red herring.

So guys ladies, I’m just wondering how the camera can handle Liam Hemsworth and Claflin in the same movie. But then again if the screen didn’t burst into flames during Magic Mike, no one else should have a problem.

Miley Cyrus: Meltdown Watch

13 Aug

It was pretty clear something would go awry with Miley Cryrus after that Vanity Fair June 2008 photo shoot. You know, the one where she was placed inside of her father’s crotch?  Yeah, that one. But, she seemed to be growing up surprisingly well for a child star. She finished off Hannah Montana normally, even making a 2009 movie and appearing in several other Disney projects. She lent her voice to 2008’s Bolt and transitioned into a post-Hannah life with the safe chick-flick The Last Song (2010).
So far, so good. Even that video of Cyrus on “salvia” was quickly forgotten along with her November “stoner” admission. It was just silly Miley being a rebellious teen!

I hope this is the picture over the Cyrus Family fireplace

Then, this summer happened. First she announced her engagement to Aussie cutie Liam Hemsworth. Even though the two are planning “a long engagement” that’s a lot of commitment for a 19-year-old. I would know, being 19 and all. Then she stopped generally wearing pants and bleached her hair. How, “not a girl, not yet a woman of her.”

Is Liam upset she’s wearing his suit jacket as a complete outfit?

Obviously, the pants forgetting and blonde hair dying wouldn’t be the end of Cyrus’s summer. This weekend, she chopped off all her hair, unfortunately reminding me of a more sane Britney circa 2008 (even though she’s quite excited about the new haircut, congrats MyCy). If she gets an umbrella in hand, everyone watch out. But, luckily Cyrus is going to work! She’s successfully booked a show. Out of every series that would love to have her on for a ratings-bump, she’s decided on Charlie Sheen’s leftovers: Two And a Half Men. She’ll play half-man August T. Jones’ love interest this season and appear on multiple episodes.

As long as she doesn’t agree to actually working with Sheen, there’s some hope! Welcome to Miley Cyrus’ Quarter-Life Crisis. I’m willing to bet it’ll be a bumpy ride.

No. Words….

Michael Phelps: Golf Champ?

12 Aug

Watching #UglyHot super-human swimmer Michael Phelps hang up his Speedo for the last time is a pretty tough thing to do. America is just used to him being a total pro without even trying. “Oh yeah guys, I totally stopped training after Beijing. But I’m still going to win like 700 medals this year. Chill out.” And then he went and became the most decorated Olympian ever with 22 medals at the end of the London games.

“This’ll look awesome next to the 56 others!”

So what can a 27-year-old guy do post-retirement? Reality TV obviously. At least when you’re famous for being awesome, enjoying some mary jane every once in a while and being weirdly attractive, that’s definitely the best answer. So will Phelps have his own MTV special? An E! show with the Kardashian sisters? Is ESPN branching out? Nope, he’ll be on the family friendly Golf Channel.

Phelps is staring in The Haney Project, with ex-Tiger Woods coach Hank Haney. He’ll travel the world playing the best golf courses ever and perfecting yet another sport. By the time he’s 45 he’ll probably be an expert in at least 10.

It seems like Phelps agrees. He said in a Golf Channel statement, “as I enter this next chapter of my life, I think I will be able to shift my competitiveness to anything I put my mind to and golf is one of the things I want to focus on.” What’s next, extreme frisbee? Phelps would seriously love extreme frisbee, wouldn’t he?

The 22-time medalist should enjoy his time off right now, filming for Haney Project starts in September and will air in February 2013.

His crazy wingspan (armspan?) will make his swing unstoppable.

 

Lady Gaga POPs With New Album Title

5 Aug

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a Born This Way track and realized, “wow… Lady Gaga really hasn’t released any new music in a while. Weird.” And then she announced that her next album will officially be released in 2013 “before spring.” Let the count down begin!
Obviously, everyone was wondering when Mother Monster would transmit down the name of her newest album. The answer’s today. Gaga took to Twitter to confirm that her third studio LP will be called ARTPOP. The capitilization is actually really serious.

See?

Last week Gaga had released a photo of her newest tattoo; the word ARTPOP on her forearm. Since then, fans were speculating it would be the name of the newest album. Clearly, they right on target and I’m guessing not very surprised. She had gotten Born This Way inked before her second CD was released.

Now she can’t get a tattoo without getting people’s hopes up

Although there’s not a lot of information about ARTPOP right now, I’m sure Gaga can’t keep a lid on it for too long. Little Monsters need to know.

Lady Gaga Is Quite The Chameleon

29 Jul

The sequel for Robert Rodriguez’s 2010 shoot-’em-up Machete, the ingeniously named Machete Kills, is famous for its crazy casting. No other film can boast having Mel Gibson, Cuba Gooding Jr., Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, and Spy Kid Alexa Vega on one call sheet. Plus, Charlie Sheen is the president in Machete Land. No joke.

I hope Sheen and Gibson sport equally sexy costumes.

Well, there’s one more name to add to the Machete madness: Lady Gaga. Mother Monster has chosen Rodriguez’s latest film to make her acting debut. Nope, definetely didn’t see that one coming. In Kills she will play La Chameleon, a vampy fox/wolf (?) wearing smoking gun according to a recently released poster (featured below). Weirdly enough Gooding Jr. is listed as “El Chameleon” on IMDb. Are they a team? Or did Rodriguez just drop Gooding’s El for Gaga’s La? Here’s to hoping they’re a kickass biracial couple.

In case you were wondering what this movie could actually be about, the US government sends Danny Trejo’s Machete into Mexico to stop an arms dealer from launching a weapon into space. If anyone can see where Lady Gaga falls into that, please let me know.

I see what you’re doing there… No wait. I don’t. At all.

Rodriguez’s casting choice is clearly just an attempt to help us feel comfortable with Lady Gaga The Actress. Everyone knows that Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are BFF’s. And everyone knows that Kill Bill Vol. 3 is somewhere in the works (but it’s QT, “in the works” could take 10 years). So, no one should be surprised when Gaga is cast as a very grown up B.B.- it’s bound to happen.

Alert: Carly Rae Jepsen Hasn’t Given Anyone Her Number

14 Jul

This is a hard one for me to write. I have four different “Call Me, Maybe” songs on my iTunes (two remixes, one cover and the Holy Original) and cry every time someone skips it on the radio. But, according to an AP interview, the song about number giving never actually happened. I feel like my whole life is a lie now. Or at least the last few months.

Nope.

When AP asked Carly Rae Jepsen if she’s ever given a guy her number, her answer was:

“I’ve done brave things for love before or for the possibility of the idea of love, but I’ve never quite done that and I’m pretty sure now that I never can because that would be really, really awkward.”

This was the last quote in the AP article- there were no follow-ups. Journalist Alicia Rancilio should’ve at least asked Jepsen how she came up with the song. Was it someone else’s experience? Did she just think it sounded catchy? Was there ever a hot night? Was the wind blowing? Did anyone have skin showin’? What does this all mean?!

And more importantly: will she write other disturbingly catchy songs about these real life brave actions? The people need to know.

I can never listen to “Call Me, Maybe” again- everything has just changed too much. LOL guys, I’m joking. It’s still totally the best song ever written.

Michael Fassbender’s Going Back To The Future (And Bringing Some Swords)

9 Jul

If you didn’t know this, I love Michael Fassbender. Like a lot. He’s Irish and laughs like a shark and perfect. Also, The Fass may just be the busiest man in Hollywood, he’s like Jessica Chastain but with a famous penis. Currently, he has three movies in progress: the X-Men prequel sequel, a re-teaming with Shame director Steve McQueen, and a Ridley Scott-Brad Pitt-Penelope Cruz thriller. How does he even fit in time for dick jokes?

Sharks take this picture to the dentist.

Well, the Oscar-snubbie (I’m literally never getting over the Academy ignoring Shame) is helming the Assassin’s Creed super blockbuster of the future. AC is a wildly popular video game for everyone that wasn’t sure (like me), with its third installation out in October. The film will star Fassy as a bartender named Desmond Miles (which is appropriately sexy enough for him) who comes from a long line of assassins including those of the Crusades and the Renaissance. Miles can see their crazy blood spurting adventures with some fancypants technology, weaving together past and present. I’m going to assume there’s some classic hero’s journey thrown in there for good measure.

I’m going to die if he has to wear this. Maybe it’s why he decided to produce too.

 

He has so much [training] to look forward to

AC’s creator Ubisoft is behind the slaughterfest and Fassbender is even producing it. Now, they only have to find a writer, director, distributor… and the Fass also has a pretty full plate right now. Sounds like they’ll be shooting in no time.